I wonder what crossed your mind's when you read the title and phrase "For Better or For Bitter." If your mind or instinct went directly to the thought of the line in marital vows "For Better or For Worse,"you are onto something.
What does "For Better or For Bitter" mean to me and why am I writing about it? Well what it means to me is simply the mere truth that many of our life experiences, relationships, failures, and successes all have had some raw measure of shaping our attitude and hearts in either a better-sense or bitter-sense.
Today and this week however, I want to journey with you a bit back to my past... specifically a widely defining and detrimental point in my life which was only a few years back... my failed and broken marriage. On October 1, 2014, I married my youngest son's father. There at Greater Imani Church and Christian Center before one of my Pastors and a very small circle of family and one friend, I stood face to face and hand in hand with my ex husband with doubts in my mind and spirit but out of a fully devoted heart, I vowed "For Better or For Worse" and meant every vow. Little did I know, at some point in our marriage and in my life, those vows would ring true but not only turn to "For Better or For Worse" but ended up turning my heart to "For Better to For Bitter."
If by reading my truth up to this point, you think that this is an ex-bashing lesson... It is NOT!
But instead it is a truth... my truth and experience that I believe can possibly touch and agree with the heart of many women and men. You see I understand very well how deeply one's heart can be found wounded and scarred because even in this very present time and moment, I can share with you that my heart still suffers with scars, open wounds, brokenness and what feels like bleeding pain as my last relationship took a lot from and out of me. My last relationship which happens to be my failed marriage has left me with a dark hole and bitterness in my heart that I know I have to heal from and get past. And with the leading, healing, wholeness and restoration of God, I plan to do just that.
What I have come to perceive and grasp hold of is that we take many wrong courses and travel down many dead end roads in life that leave us to make You-Turns to have us face ourselves with the test and hard lesson of Trusting God but also trusting in that intuitive leading of the Holy Spirit that intercedes and oversees our life and journeys. Unfortunately for us, when we see a Dead-End or Danger sign yet choose to ignore it, we place ourselves in and at harm within the universe as well as within ourselves. Many times when we choose to go the left way versus the Right(eous) way, we experience things that God did not intend for our good and we grow bitter from the experience of our scars. As much as I love sharing my truth with people, the message of God's hope and truth is most important to me. Which is why I am sharing this lesson with you all. My bitterness comes from a place of being broken and it isn't a brokenness from God which draws Him to me for comforting. My bitterness comes from choosing man over God. Choosing my thoughts over the thoughts and leadings of Christ. My bitterness comes from having to spend years of my life healing a hurt inflicted upon me by someone I vowed my life and heart to. After having several heart to heart moments with God as well as my closest friends and family, I am having to resolve to the fact that my failed marriage changed me and it altered my heart in ways I thought was impossible. And I believe with all my heart and in my spirit that there are many women and men experiencing my same pain and process. The great news of all this though is that I believe that WE are in the right position for a breakthrough from any bitterness that we may feel if we are willing to Face it and allow the pain and scars of our past to make us Better.
It is too often these days that we come across hurt people who carelessly and savagely impose more hurt on those who love and are close to us. While I believe that this happens because those individuals choose to let their unprocessed pain turn into an ill-processed pain which then inflicts further trauma into the lives of others. And if we are not careful enough to guard our heart, energies, time and lives of this ill-processed trauma, we will be living in a world and nation full of trauma that none of us could get through easily especially without the hands and help of God.
Before I close this life lesson, I would like to leave you to take an assessment. It is a self assessment to ensure that you are not blocking yourself from any blessings or any growing processes that yield you the results of being a Better person. 1st ask yourself "How am I feeling? Am I at peace within? 2nd if you are not at peace within, ask yourself "Why am I not at peace? Who caused this hurt? 3rd and lastly, think about the person that hurt you. What do you feel with you think of them, see them, or dream of them? Are they feelings or rage, anger, resentment, unforgiveness etc? If so, you are in dire need of healing and being free from that spirit of bitterness so that you can become Better and live a better life. Being bitter is like a prison. You feel trapped, closed in on, see no light but darkness and you feel alone. BUT know that in God there is freedom! In God, it doesn't matter how broken or damaged you may feel... YOU are Still and Always will be WORTHY and ENOUGH to God!
Let your heart heal and do take time for yourself when getting out of relationships before you get into another one to detox, find and redefine who you are and where your purpose is leading you. Transform your mind by destroying and denouncing all of the negative thoughts and feelings you either feel and/or hear inside you and speak affirmations and confirmations of God's word over your life. And lastly, know that your worth isn't determined by what They see when they see you but by who you Rise up to measure your worth to! I pray that it measures in line with God's image and values for He has declared that you are worth far more than rubies! Honey You are Royal and You are Better and no longer Bitter!
May our lessons be plenty and our journey's be joyous and beautiful!
God bless 😘